I have joked a couple of times with friends that if I ever write a book that reflects on my journey with the Lord, somewhere would be a chapter or subheading entitled, ‘waiting for God knows what.’
On the one hand, I fear that perhaps it might be perceived as irreverent. However, that isn’t the way I mean it at all. I’m quite serious. I’ve approached this season of life where I’m waiting and walking with Him and the more I read His Word, the more I seek to know Him, the less I really grasp what I’m waiting for. Maybe that is because it’s His business right now and not mine or maybe I’ve just been so anxious about it and thought through so many scenarios that I’ve now found myself obscuring what could have been obvious. Overthinkers can do that. 😉
What can be gained from a season of ‘waiting for God knows what?’
Perspective. God has a grip on what’s going on even when I don’t have a clue. When we approach those wide open spaces or those long corridors with too many doors along each side, we have to trust that God is permitting a lack of clarity for His purposes. It challenges me time and again to recall that He is sovereign and that our lives are all for Him.
Humility. So, all that thinking and reflecting and reading multitudes of books does help me grow as a Christian, but I’ll be lopsided unless I’m forced to put those things into practice and when I do, I find that I need God for that because I fall way short of who I aspire to be in Him, and that some of the ideas I have about who I ‘should’ be for Him might not be His plans for me. Ouch.
Gentleness of spirit. I have this ‘thing’ about crying, especially in public, but just crying in general. I don’t like to. I feel ‘weak’ if I do. The drawback, of course, is the callous it seems to form on my heart when I set out to withhold my emotions because of pride. This year has brought forth a lot of tears, many in public. I still don’t like it, but the bright side is the sensitivity to other people’s pain and the willingness to really hear them out and care grows when you’ve been through your own ‘stuff.’
Determination. When we stick with God through the waiting, we find that the more we stick with Him, the more we want to, no matter what is up ahead, and even when things may get worse before they improve. I’m more compelled to persist in my relationship with Him, in part, because of the waiting room times. I think that when this wait is over, I will have been infused with the strength to take up the things God has prepared for me, but that came out of the willingness to persevere during the lean moments.
Trust. I want to be able to understand what God is doing, what He has done. While I wait, there have been big circumstances under which He has made it clear that He knows what He’s doing, but He’s not going to explain it to me, either now or maybe not at all. It presses me to trust Him to handle the intricate pieces of my life that I just can’t figure out.
Hope. I am a doubter. This one is the most difficult to bring forth in me, but in the smallest ways, I see tiny glimmerings of hope cropping up out of the waiting. Slowly, I believe more and more that God hasn’t said no or wait or kept silent on some matters that mean a great deal to me simply because He’s got His plans and I need to fall in line with them. When we have to wait, it hurts because God allows us to become acutely aware of emptiness within ourselves. Then, He permits us to wrestle with the reality that we can’t fill that emptiness with anything we can come up with. He gives us Himself; His presence. Until we acquire a taste for Him, it still doesn’t quite seem like ‘enough,’ even though it is. Sometimes those other things might accompany Him and other times, perhaps not, but if not, it is out of His love that He says no or wait or remains silent.
So, here I am, waiting for God knows what and praying that I will become the woman God intends through the waiting.
What fruit has waiting borne in your life?